she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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