Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
