if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
