um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
