Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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