I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
