Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
