If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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