yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
