just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
