Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
