this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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