he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
