Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
