That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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