Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
