Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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