I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
