then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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