if you like me you must not know who I am
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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