If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
