You just made me feel so damn special
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
