i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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