i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
