I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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