Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
