I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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