At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
