Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
