I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
