She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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