Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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