I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
