there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
