He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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