I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
