you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
His nipple licking is glorious
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