i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
