I look better un-naked...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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