I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
