you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Randomize
