I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
