I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
