...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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