Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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