I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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