Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
