The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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