HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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