I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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