waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
