I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
